I went to church on day two of my blog and it has given me inspiration to write about my day. Today has been a good day, I am feeling peace and calm as I write.
I enjoy church as there is a stability and a structure to the services. There are no unwelcome suprises. It follows a plan and never deviates.
I desire this as the rest of my life seems so unstructured and never follows a plan. Some may find this exciting and adventurous.
For me it brings anxiety and fear, with unexpected emotions of saddness and anger. Tears, always there are tears and gut wrenching spasms of pain.
In church there is blessed peace. Quiet people, welcoming with warm smiles. Here lies kindness and compassion and the music that fills the mind, the heart and soul.
The first Sunday of each month is always conducted entirely in Welsh and I labsorb it all. I listen to the cadence of the mellow voice of the vicar and the sound is a balm to my shattered nerves and fragmented heart.
I sing in Welsh, the words are easy to follow. I pray in Welsh with the soft and lilting voices around me. I understand a few words now. The intention, love, compassion and joy of united prayer and devotion transcends any problem of language.
The sermon was based on Psalm 23 and today I found solace in the recitation from the bible and the words of the vicar. Reading the English translation as I listen to the soft soothing voices of the readers.
My sheep know my voice and they are unafraid. I understand this now as I care for my sheep. They are beautiful creatures, trusting. They will come to me, unafraid, and they know my voice. They know I feed and care for them. Just as I know the voice of God, and know He feeds and cares for me and now I am unafraid.
For a whole hour, this Sunday morning, I listened, and sang and prayed and it was good. Returning to the farm, towing out the small tractor that got stuck in the mud. Stress.
Preparing a pot roast for supper, sorting laundry, feeding hens, collecting eggs, counting sheep, making lunch, watering plants. Feeling good again.
A welcome phone call from a neighbouring farmer with an invitation to the Small Holders Show in Builth. Feeling even better.
Then the big tractor got stuck. Deep anxiety as digger pulled it out.
Calm returns with a walk in the sunset. The hens roost, the sheep return, the dog slumbers. All is well.
Remembering that I am safe and protected and guided always. It has been a good day.